I beat my alarm this morning. The only reason it was set was that I had a 10 am therapy session. Back home, I’d be likely to sleep in, but my body clock has again reverted here—clearly a sign I am more and more relaxed.
John was already halfway through preparing boiled eggs when I strolled into the kitchen. He offered me a couple which would otherwise have gone to the dog. I accepted. I’m not too proud to eat dog food. Like the last time I was here, John seems disposed to go out of his way to cook and care for me here. It’s partly just John being John, such is his good nature, but it’s perhaps also partly an acknowledgement of my situation—in need of being cared for. It’s a fine line. He goes out of his way to ensure I’m permitted to be left to my own devices. There’s an unspoken—and even spoken—understanding that I have free rein to the fridge, pantry, and all that is theirs. I enjoy the best of both worlds here. I tend to myself whenever I feel like it, but I also accept the caring so readily volunteered. Back home, I can often get a little testy when people attempt to do things for me. Sandy bears the brunt of this all too often. My response can be a bit sharp at times, now that I reflect on it. If someone is offering me help in some way, I can sometimes perceive that as an attack on my independence—as though someone is telling me I cannot care for myself and I ‘need’ the help. I wonder whether I should at least start to try to drop that barrier and just willingly accept the help whenever it’s offered. I have to admit doing so here is doing wonders for my disposition, though I do continue to be tinged with a little guilt when it happens.
This morning’s 10 am therapy session was with the third therapist assigned to my case. This was the first time we met, although she was well briefed about my case, unlike the therapist from Monday. This new therapist is lovely. We clicked straight away. I get the sense I can trust her, which is always a good start. We spent the hour getting to know each other, reviewing where I am regarding the whole Parkinson’s situation and how that relates to my burnout. At one point, and for reasons hard to explain, I was overcome with an avalanche of emotion and broke down crying. Something tells me that won’t be the last time. In recent years, I have felt more and more emotionally flat—not expressing myself perhaps as much as I should. This isn’t limited to showing vulnerability, like today’s breakdown, but I think it’s also about expressing joy. This aligns with my own observations: I’m becoming more and more the ‘grumpy old man.’ I think my emotions and feelings are all still there—just buried beneath a veneer of control. If today’s conversation is anything to go by, I think rigidity and the need for control are what the therapy will focus on. With the somewhat powerful session out of the way, I can now relax for a few days until the next round of talks begins on Monday. For the coming few months, I will have at least 2 sessions a week, and sometimes 3.
Hot on the heels of yesterday’s successful visit to Aberystwyth, I’ve been contemplating travelling farther afield to explore more Welsh gems. The old ladies I spoke with yesterday suggested Cardigan and the Pembrokeshire coast. Claude showed me some potential scenic routes I might follow. There does indeed appear to be a lot of interesting things to see. The only problem is that it’s a good 2 hours away, and of course that means another 2 hours back. There’s no way the dog will tolerate such a journey, so if I go, I will go alone. Given it was already mid-morning, I’ve decided to skip this idea for today, but will likely now go tomorrow, or over the weekend.
Once that decision landed, we decided that an impromptu sojourn around the local countryside to continue cashing in on the blackberry season would be a good idea, so we jumped in the car.
It was certainly a productive morning. We brought back no less than 6 full punnets after an hour or so. Although it might not seem so, I found it to be a strenuous activity. I was huffing and puffing before long. Partly that was simply me being out of shape. All the leaning over ditches to reach the plumpest ones was also doing a number on my already dilapidated back. My hands and forearms are now also scratched and scarred, not to mention blue-stained from all the berries. Most of the rows of thorny thickets we found were on steep inclines as well. I will readily admit that a good half punnet of berries didn’t survive the trip. They were just too scrumptious. Even when we ran out of containers, we still kept spotting new spots where the temptation was too big to ignore. Eventually, we joked about resisting the urge: “Don’t pay attention to them!” “Stop looking, and keep driving!” “Don’t look the blackberries directly in the eye!” I love the banter that develops between us all.
Back at the house, John launched into blackberry-washing, separating, bagging, and freezing mode. I whipped myself up a bacon sandwich. Well, to be fair, John got the bacon out of the freezer, defrosted it, prepared the grill and kicked off the cooking. All I had to do was butter some bread and construct the sandwich when the bacon was cooked—another splendid example of how well I’m cared for here.
Sandy had messaged me asking about how I was doing, so I thought I’d check in with her on the phone. I would have preferred a video call, but she hates those. She and the kids are all doing well. We talked briefly about Jae’s first pay packet and how Joey is holding up well despite still missing me. I gave her a précis of what happened with this morning’s therapy session. We agreed it was a good idea to postpone Sandy’s attendance in next week’s session, so she will now join us in a session at a later date. The session will still proceed as scheduled, just not with Sandy in attendance.
I had bought some new pyjamas a few days ago from ASDA, one of the main supermarkets here in the UK. They have a clothing range called George for everyday clothing which is reasonably priced. Sandy wanted me to pick up some pyjamas for Joey, but the George website evidently only works correctly from the UK. I would normally circumvent that obstacle with our VPN service, but Sandy didn’t have the app on her phone and the whole thing for her just fell into the ‘too hard’ basket, so I agreed to do the shopping on her behalf. By that, I mean I first had to figure out what would work and what wouldn’t, like which size, style, fabric, colour, etc. I then took some screenshots of the options, showed her those screenshots, and waited for further instructions. Left to my own devices, there’s no doubt in my mind I would get back to Holland and have to explain why ‘I’ didn’t buy the right ones. I didn’t fancy that outcome. Clothes shopping for the kids is a minefield I’d sooner not navigate on my own.
I ordered Joey’s pyjamas and casually mentioned I would drive into Shrewsbury to collect them over the coming days. This piqued Lisa’s interest, as there’s also a Primark there and Lisa had been eyeing an opportunity to do a bit of shopping for herself. There’s now half a chance that Lisa and I will make the 1-hour journey to Shrewsbury together, or I may end up doing a pick-up on her behalf. We’ll see how it pans out.
I figured I’d exhausted myself enough today to warrant an afternoon nap. I haven’t indulged in this since I got here, but I felt a bit of extra rest now would serve me well if I tackle a multi-hour sightseeing trip tomorrow.
Kristy sent me some more Adventure Lab suggestions for the Pembrokeshire coast, so it looks like there will be ample opportunity for me to put some structure into my sightseeing trip when it happens.
To round out the day, I set up the foldable table in the back garden to write up today’s blog. I’m sitting here basking in the glorious sunshine, watching the sun slowly set between the hills on the horizon. A flock of sheep had been idly munching in the field to my right, but they have since strolled off to find more pasture elsewhere. I can still see the buffalo on the hillside over my right shoulder. They aren’t real buffalo—just dark bushes that look like buffalo if you squint enough, or, like me, have failing eyesight. The temperature has since dropped to ‘put on a top’ temperature. I’m again surrounded by the sights and sounds of nature. I will surely miss this place when I leave in about a week.