I woke up around 9 am this morning. With no real reason to actually get out of bed, though, I remained blissfully there until almost noon. Sandy goes from asleep to fully awake and functional within the space of a minute. I, on the other hand, can easily take several hours to wake up, and even squeeze in a couple of additional naps in that time. It’s definitely a slower pace here in Wales compared to my usual daily routine. For as long as I’m here, I figure I’ll continue to take advantage of the lack of anywhere I need to be or anything I need to do.
While out in the garden, soaking up yet more of the sunshine, I got a message from Joey. He sent me one of his virtual hugs, as he occasionally does. When we’re both at home, Joey comes and gives me hugs several times an hour (at least when we’re concurrently awake). This form of constant need for attention, like a toddler wanting validation that their parent is still close on hand, is one of the many markers that led to one of his diagnoses. This virtual hug was his way of telling me he misses me, so I thought it would be nice to check in with him.
Joey told me we were out of black 3D print filament. I had bought three new spools of black less than two weeks ago, so it surprised me we had gone through that already. The 3D printing hobby is a relatively new phenomenon in our house. We started with it not long after I started my sick leave. It serves a couple of purposes. Maybe a better way to put it is that it’s had multiple consequences.
On the one hand, it somewhat fills a gap created by my not working due to burnout. This is much to Sandy’s chagrin, as she’s of the opinion that stopping work due to stress and burnout means I should be taking things easy. She feels it may be counterproductive if that work stress is simply replaced with another activity. If I’m not working, but spending a lot of time on the 3D printing hobby, does that really equate to me being more relaxed? The idea is that I try to take a step back and do less.
Sitting at home and doing nothing just isn’t in my nature. I have to feel productive. Indeed, this could very well be part of my underlying burnout issue, but I cannot change who I am at the flick of a switch.
There is another side to this coin. One of the stresses Sandy and I shoulder is how to manage Joey, who by his very nature doesn’t like to leave the house or interact with others. Left to his own devices, he would essentially be a recluse and slip into depression. We are constantly trying to find ways to keep him stimulated and with a semblance of a quality of life. I introduced the 3D printing hobby as a way to help give him a purpose and something to do. Fortunately, he has really taken to it, so I consider this a huge success. He has learned how to 3D print and has even done some design work. Some of the things he has churned out have been genuinely impressive. It’s taken a real weight off us now that he’s engaged and stimulated. Between that and what the hobby has cost me in time, I still think it’s been a net benefit overall.
After discussing with Joey what filament spools we need to buy, he had an impromptu chat with his Uncle John and Auntie Lisa. He was in good spirits, which always lifts my own. Since Jae has been away on holiday for the past few days, I asked him whether he missed his sister. “Oh, is she away? I hadn’t noticed.” This brought John and me to fits of laughter.
We have two 3D printers—a Bambu Lab P2S and a Bambu Lab X2D. Whenever you buy filament from Bambu, you get steep discounts after 6 and then 10 spools, so it makes sense to order 10 spools or more each time. Given what Joey told me about needing black, silver and white, I placed an order for multiple spools of those colours, ensuring I maxed out on the quantities needed to secure the highest discount.
Just before travelling to the UK, I had been designing some new products, but ran out of time to print and photograph them for our Etsy store. I asked Joey to print these for me while I was away, and he agreed.
After finishing up the call with Joey, I placed the order with Bambu Lab. I thought that was the end of it. Alas. Wouldn’t you know it? Not 5 minutes later, I received another message from Joey: ‘Can you please buy some brown as well?’ Doh! I called him again to make doubly certain there weren’t more wishes for additional colours lying in wait. After confirming we were done, I placed yet another order, and once again filled the basket with enough spools to secure the discount.
We’ve probably spent close to €4,500 on the entire 3D printing hobby to date. That includes both printers, both AMSs (the accessory that allows multiple filament spools to be fed concurrently into the printer) and the filaments in various colours and filament types (PLA, PETG, TPU, Silk, etc.). However, by designing and selling products, we’ve probably recouped about half of that to date, which isn’t bad for a hobby we’ve just gotten into.
Having satisfied myself that Joey’s needs were tended to, John and I decided to drive into nearby Newtown to do the week’s supermarket shopping. This turned out to be a fascinating exploration of how our cultures intersect. How John and Lisa shop differs from how we shop. If Sandy or I go to the supermarket, we generally get everything we need in one spot. Although we live within 10 minutes of a dozen or more supermarkets, we rarely have the need to visit more than one to get whatever we need. John, on the other hand, visited 4 separate supermarkets today, all of which were within 5 minutes of each other. Further, he was continually contemplating how much each individual product cost in each supermarket as he walked the aisles, deciding on the spot whether to purchase it now or wait until the next supermarket. That conscious thought he puts into where he decides to spend his money results in a lower overall outlay. For me, I wouldn’t necessarily be concerned whether a pack of tissues is 10¢ cheaper here or there. In fact, I doubt I’d be even conscious of what I paid at the till by the time I got the shopping home. I can see arguments for and against both styles of shopping. Perhaps neither is correct or incorrect. I just found it interesting to explore how differently we thought when it came to these mundane aspects of daily life.
Whenever I’m here, something of John and Lisa’s way of life rubs off on me. They tend to be more conscious of what they eat. Comfort foods, like biscuits, chocolate, ice cream, cakes, etc., are eaten with considerably less regularity than back home. They tend to eat a lot more natural foods, fresh fruits and vegetables, etc. This is, of course, terrific, and I can definitely learn a thing or two from them on this subject. I joked to John in the car that I ate a packet of crisps when I was last here, but I did so clandestinely in the car for fear of finding myself on the end of a reproving look from Lisa.
While we were making our way from the first supermarket to the next on the shopping list, I spotted a Greggs. That’s a chain of bakers we don’t have in the Netherlands. Greggs is famous in the UK for its warm sausage rolls. Perhaps not the healthiest of treats, but so mouth-wateringly delicious all the same. With just John and me in the car, I saw my chance and seized it. John wasn’t especially disposed to stop at Greggs, but I was able to twist his arm. I’ve been here a few days, and I already sense my body is on the trailing edge of possible withdrawal symptoms for eating unhealthy foods. This was a golden opportunity to satisfy my fermenting cravings. Perhaps it was the fact that it had been months since my last Greggs sausage roll, but they were oh so scrumptious. Ok, so I added a little to the guilt column for the day, but it was a price I was willing to pay. On balance, my food intake has still been considerably healthier for me here than it otherwise might have been, so I’ll take that as a win overall.
While John was perusing all the healthy food aisles at Tesco, I narrowed in on the comfort food aisles, looking for things I could take back to Holland with me. This entailed a couple of video calls with Sandy and Joey to ensure I was getting them the specific types of biscuits they both like. Mission accomplished.
On the way back from our fourth supermarket, I got a couple of notifications from family members and others who commented on my blogs. This always gives me a boost, as I get a big kick out of knowing that others are actually reading and following vicariously with me. I responded to these messages and look forward to any further feedback I get.
Back home, after all the shopping had been put away, the three of us whipped out the LIJONG board for another quick game. This time, it was Lisa who won the game, which took around 45 minutes. So far, each one of us has won at least one game, so that has worked out well.
Before rounding out the evening, I thought I’d take a walk around the outskirts of the village with an empty punnet, to see if I could fill it with blackberries. I don’t really understand why, but there’s a certain satisfaction I get from doing this over the past couple of days. John and Lisa were settled in front of the TV, so I would be alone with my thoughts.
I found a cluster of productive brambles growing over a dilapidated section of knee-high stone wall behind the church, so I set about collecting the ripe berries I could reach there, when I noticed something. As I leant on the wall with my right hand to steady myself, I couldn’t help but be struck by how my hand and arm were trembling under my weight—more so than I would have expected. I can’t see this as anything other than the manifestation of Parkinson’s slowly spreading. In the grand scheme of things, a shaky arm isn’t terribly life-constraining at the moment, but it gave me pause. It made me wonder whether the levodopa would dampen these effects, or whether this is just going to continue to deteriorate. Will things get better before they inevitably get worse? That’s the real issue I face. If they do, I can easily see myself taking a pragmatic approach, returning to work and living with the condition without fuss for some time to come. If the levodopa doesn’t help, then my fate, and prospects of continued working, will rest with the opinion of the company doctor. To be frank, I don’t really care that much about the way the penny falls. I just want the penny to fall. What keeps me up at night is the uncertainty of not being able to see too far into the future. As a self-confessed control freak, it’s the loss of control that’s scary.